If you thought Bernie Sanders blaming climate change for the rise of terrorism was the most ridiculous thing you’ve heard, you ain’t seen nothing yet.Next time your liberal friend tells you climate change is responsible for something, remember the top five most absurd things liberals have blamed on climate change: we only have record of roughly 30,000 “climate related” deaths each year – and this is a 99.4 percent decline from 80 years prior. Check please!
2) Shark Attacks
Apparently the writers over at the Guardian think climate change is driving the rise in fatal shark attacks, saying “In the first four months of this year, there were four fatal shark attacks worldwide, compared with one in the whole of 2007.”
What an epidemic. One hundred times more people die each year falling out of bed in the United States alone than globally from shark attacks.To put in perspective how little a problem shark attacks are, famed physicist Freeman Dyson found that reports of shark attacks scare a large number of people, which deters them from visiting the shore (and tragically drowning). People are much more likely to die of drowning than from a shark attack. So according to his calculations, there are ten fewer drowning deaths for each shark attack that occurs. In which case you could also infer that shark attacks actually SAVE lives.
As one writer for the Miami New Times explains “Hot, unpredictable weather makes for unfaithful partners. Just when you thought your hope of finding true love in Miami had hit rock bottom, a story like this comes along to prove there’s even farther to fall.”
Who knew, we have no free will after all!How liberals explain the fact that overall rates of infidelity are declining remains unanswered.
4) The Missing Malaysian Flight
One writer for Mother Jones thinks the reason we couldn’t find the flight was because climate change has altered the ocean’s currents.
If this means we could’ve saved ourselves from endless CNN coverage on the flight, maybe fighting climate change isn’t such a bad idea.5) The Rising Cost of Beer
The worst consequence of them all, obviously.
The Associated Press reported in 2008 that “The price of beer is likely to rise in coming decades because climate change will hamper the production of a key grain needed for the brew.”
Even if this consequence was realized, nearly half the cost of beer is taxes, so it could be easily fixed by the government doing nothing. Now THERE’S an idea!
I used to complain that liberals thought everything is racist. Now liberals think everything bad in the world is attributable to climate change. What could possibly be next, that climate change is responsible for racism? Oh, wait…
[Note: This article was written by The Analytical Economist]