Global warming good news: It might help you lose weight!

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Aside from catastrophic storms, flooding, rising sea levels and polar vortexes (or “vortices” if you’re fancy), there may actually be some real benefits to come from global warming.

The Los Angeles Times has reported that climate change threatens to undermine not only how much food can be grown but also the quality of that food as altered weather patterns lead to a less desirable harvest, according to a new study. As a result, crops grown by many of the nation’s farmers have a lower nutritional content than they once did, according to the report by the Chicago Council on Global Affairs.

So I’m thinking that maybe if foods have a lower nutritional content it might also mean less calories which means, maybe just maybe, less fattening. And if that’s the case, climate change might be just the thing we need to fight obesity here in the United States and other tubby Western countries. Why, Michelle Obama should be over the moon!

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And speaking of Michelle Obama, with all the excitement about her hashtag campaign to recover the girls kidnapped by the Islamist terror group Boko Haram, you might have missed the fact that global warming might actually be to blame for that as well.

“Instability in Nigeria has been growing steadily over the last decade – and one reason is climate change,” according to the UK Guardian. The paper says a recent study by the Congressionally-funded US Institute for Peace confirmed a “basic causal mechanism” that “links climate change with violence in Nigeria.” In 2009, a UK Department for International Development (Dfid) study warned that climate change could contribute to increasing resource shortages in the country due to land scarcity from desertification, water shortages, and mounting crop failures.

So there you have it. Boko Haram’s kidnapping of 200 girls and massacre of as many as 300 civilians in a single town has nothing to do with militant jihadists wishing to enforce their brand of Islamic fanaticism on innocents and non-believers. They’re just hot, thirsty and hungry.

But what I’d like to know is, if humans are so good at affecting climate change, why can’t we actually control where it occurs? For example, we could do our best to halt warming in places like Nigeria, where it can ultimately cause Islamist terrorists to kidnap schoolgirls, but speed up global warming in the United States to help people lose weight and take the pressure off Florida and Arizona as retirement communities. Just an idea…

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