Allen B. West

Google and Levis teaming up to make pants smarter than people

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Very difficult to write this story without using the phrase “smarty pants,” but here goes…

Search engine technology giant Google and venerable jeans-maker Levis have teamed up to create clothing items with technology woven into the fabric.

As the UK Independent reports, “Grant Hughes, founder of software development company FocusMotion, explained the new sensors (which will be so thin that wearers won’t feel them) could “alert the wearer to weight gain” and even scarier, “recommend a workout or provide a discount at a gym or yoga class… helping people live healthier lives.”

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“The Jacquard-woven clothes will also be able to interact with nearby devices. For example, the wearers would be able to control a nearby iPhone with a simple tap on their lap.” Gives new meaning to the term “butt dial.”

But can you imagine this? Now Michelle Obama will demand schools require new smart pant technology uniforms so kids can get text messages when they’re eating the wrong things.

Although I must admit my jeans already alert me when I’m gaining weight – they simply get tighter.

It is disturbing that clothing may now be smarter than some people. Maybe Google might consider “smart fillings” for people’s teeth, which would alert wearers when they’ve consumed too much sugar. I’m sure Michael Bloomberg could get behind that.

And what exactly will happen with all the data that’s collected from everyone’s pants? Well, we thought bulk data collection of our cellphones was over, but apparently not for the next 6 months or so, according to the new “Freedom Act” headed for Obama’s signature. But if the NSA isn’t interested in all our personal data, seems like China might be, if the massive data breach of federal employee info is anything to go by.

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New poll exposes voters' BIGGEST election fear...

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