Allen B. West

Dear liberals, this is how EVERY single press conference should go

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Just imagine how amazing it would be to have a press conference like this. A high-ranking military official is questioned by the press about a Marine who shoots and kills an “insurgent” in Iraq or Afghanistan or some other hotbed of “insurgency.”

The reporter asks, “how this potential war crime will affect our image in the world?”

Official: WHAT KIND OF A PANSY-ASSED QUESTION IS THAT?

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Reporter 1: Well, sir I think…

Official: THINK, FANCY BOY?! GET THIS THROUGH THAT SEPTIC TANK ON TOP OF YOUR SHOULDERS, MORON: I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU THINK, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?? THAT MARINE SHOT AN ENEMY COMBATANT, BLOCKHEAD. SO GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOU’RE A** AND DEAL WITH IT BEFORE I MAKE YOU MY OWN PERSONAL PIN CUSHION!!!
NEXT QUESTION: YOU IN THE BLUE SUIT.

Reporter 2: Don’t you think the world’s opinion of our operations is important?

Official: OH SURE! YOU DON’T KNOW THE TIMES I HAVE CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT SOME GODDAMNED FRENCH PANSY THINKS! OH THE DAYS I HAVE HAD TO WEEP, BECAUSE SOME TERRORIST SCUMBAG MIGHT BE MAD AT US, BECAUSE WE WENT INTO WHATEVER GOD FORSAKEN HOLE HE LIVES IN AND KILLED HIM. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DUMBASS QUESTION IS THAT YOU JACKASS? WE ARE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND WHEN YOU ATTACK US, WE ARE GOING TO COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND BLOW YOUR STINKING CAMEL BREATH CARCASS INTO PIECES SO SMALL WE WILL BE ABLE TO BURY YOUR SORRY ASS IN A THIMBLE! YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. YOU ARE PROBABLY AFRAID, THINKING THAT I HAVE SUCH AN “EXTREME” ATTITUDE AND THAT I NEED TO BE MORE “SENSITIVE” TO OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS. WELL LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING YOU PANSY! I DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOU OR ANYBODY ELSE THINKS! THIS IS A DAMN WAR, AND IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THAT, THEN YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND CRY TO YOUR MOMMA! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU RUNT? NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I GO CRAZY AND KICK THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF YOU!! NEXT QUESTION: YOU WITH THE UGLY-ASSED TIE, LOOK AT THAT THING! IT IS HIDEOUS!

Reporter 3: Aren’t you going against the freedom of the press by…

Official: FREEDOM? WHAT IN BLUE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT FREEDOM? I HAVE SWEATED MY ASS OFF IN JUNGLES, WHILE BEING SHOT AT FOR THIS NATION! WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE YOU LITTLE WEASEL? WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUT YOU’RE A** ON THE LINE FOR ANYTHING? AND YET YOU HAVE THE UNMITIGATED TEMERITY TO SHOW UP HERE AND MONDAY-MORNING QUARTERBACK THE ACTIONS OF A BRAVE MARINE, WHO WAS DEFENDING HIMSELF AND HIS UNIT FROM AN ATTACK BY SOME MURDEROUS ISLAMIC JIHADIST. YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I AM CONCERNED ABOUT, NUMB-NUTS? I AM CONCERNED ABOUT A BUNCH OF GRABASSTIC, ORGANIZED MORONS WITH CAMERAS AND MICROPHONES DOING THEIR BEST TO PORTRAY OUR BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN AS WAR CRIMINALS! I AM CONCERNED ABOUT CHICKEN-SH*T PANSIES THAT WANT US TO NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS AND WHINE ABOUT THEIR PISS-ANT “FREEDOMS”!!
NEXT QUESTION.

Reporter 3: I…I…

Official: DID YOU HAVE A BIG BOWL OF STUPID FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING, NUMB NUTS? I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD OUT OF THAT COMMIE CRY HOLE IN THAT PILE OF POOP YOU CALL A HEAD! AND THAT GOES TRIPLE FOR THE REST OF YOU PANSY-ASSED MORONS! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY PRESS ROOM BEFORE I SHOVE MY BOOT SO FAR UP YOU’RE A** YOU CHOKE TO DEATH ON MY SHOELACES!!!!

Whew. Now THAT’S how you handle the press. Funny…Donald Trump isn’t too far off the mark, is he?

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