Allen B. West

ISIS tries out unintentionally hilarious recruiting tool

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Are you sick and tired of the same old dull vacation spots? Are you longing for something different? An exotic spot off the beaten path that will make your friends green with envy?

Well, British jihadist Abu Rumaysah al Britani has just the vacation package for you in his new ISIS recruiting tool, “A Brief Guide to the Islamic State [2015]” which was released on Monday online.

As the UK Independent reports, “the 46-page document presents a utopian view of life in the terror group’s Iraqi and Syrian strongholds under the headings: “food in the caliphate,” “weather,” “transport,” “technology,” “people” and “education.”

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Getting to the Islamic state will be no problem. You can travel by train, ship, camel, or planes “but everything is on the table: zeppelins, hovercrafts, trams [and] microlites.” (However, don’t bother buying a round trip ticket).

islamicstate

Interested in hearing more? Well how about the fabulous food you’ll be enjoying.

“The e-book includes a menu of “popular dishes and snacks” that promise to dispel concerns about what would be available to eat for those who join militants. Dishes include “scrumptious” sheesh kebabs, falafel sandwiches (“a great vegetarian option”) and chocolate; “Snickers, Kit Kat, Bounty, Twix, Kinder Surprise, Cadburys – yes, yes we have it all.”

Yes, yes, YES!

In the “People” section, The guide goes on to describe a diverse population living under its territories by comparing it to “cosmopolitan” cities such as London. “If you thought London or New York was cosmopolitan then wait until you step foot in the Islamic State, because it screams diversity.”

Yes, and that’s not ALL that’s screaming in the Caliphate.

people

Oh the subject of screaming, the guide is notably devoid of any mention of women. However, never mind that — you won’t be thinking about women when the weather is so great!

weather

However, the guide gets to the real “meat and potatoes” of the matter in its final paragraph, when it describes how the Caliphate deals with the locals.

final_paragraph

I didn’t realize those ISIS chaps had such a wicked sense of humor.

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